Sunday, January 6, 2008

Resolving Resolutions

Resolutions aren't my thing. I tend toward the typical goals of' "I will lose weight and eat better" and follow through for exactly 3.4 days until, hungry and cranky, I binge on whatever cheese-covered deep fried delight I can find within a 10 mile radius of my diet melt down.

Last year, I restarted my new year 2 weeks into the year. I had officially started 2007 living in the land of Coupledom, mayor of Arguing City and on the town council of Massively Unhappy. 2 weeks into the new year, I packed up and moved into the far far away land of OnMyOwnAgainberg and became queen bee of Single City. I immediately made all sorts of resolutions: I will learn to ballroom dance! I will join more groups! I will say yes more! I will meet new people! I will be HAPPY!

Not to toot my own horn too much, but I did pretty damn well on the list. I DID learn to ballroom dance and had a great time with friends in the process. I DID join more groups and have met tons of great people through the book club I joined. I DID say yes more and have found myself being more open to situations and enjoying life. I DID meet new people and have worked on expanding my social circle. I AM HAPPY!

The end of 2007 made me wonder what my next goals should be. A friend of my sister's loaned me the first 3 seasons of "The Office" while I was Up North and I became a little obsessed. It's a little uncanny how much my work environment mirrors the show and how much I tend to be Pam. While watching some episodes in the Detroit airport between flights, Pam made a resolution to stop being so nice. She, like me, tends to say yes to everything, overly accommodating to the point of being unhappy about giving in so much. At the end of the episode, I contemplated Pam's struggle to go against her desire to always please people and instead just say how she feels and what she wants, even if it means someone else will have to compromise. As I stood inline to board my next plane, I decided to take Pam's goal as my own - I would stop being so nice; I would start speaking up and say what I want.

As I boarded the plane, overflowing with a new confidence of my amazing new goal for myself, I felt invigorated as I hadn't felt in a long time. I approached my row, double checked my ticket, and noticed someone was in my seat. The middle seat was open, but I didn't want the middle seat, I wanted the window seat I had picked out hours ago when I checked in. Now what do I do??? The guy in my seat was comfy and reading a book, and here I was, standing in the aisle, knowing I needed to buck up and ask him to move, but my boastful confidence from 5 mintues ago is no where to be found. The SeatStealer looks up at me, and asks if he was in my seat. My head screams "YES! MOVE IT OR LOSE IT BUDDY" but my mouth says...

"...oh, well yeah but I don't mind sitting in the middle."

What just happened????? I can't even tell you why I buckled so quickly and so completely, but I sat down, stewed about being such a complete and total idiot and failing at my resolution within 5 minutes of deciding on it. So I decided to start again. Midway through my flight, I was very tired and decided to take a little nap. I plugged my iPod in (which is not dead by the way!!!), reclined my seat, and closed my eyes. I was on the verge of a very nice nap when my seat started shaking and someone started very forcefully tapping my shoulder. I took an earbud out and was met with a very unhappy guy sitting in the window seat in the row behind, and was promptly asked to put my seat up because the guy behind me didn't like it reclined. So what did I do? Did I tell them tough, I'm tired and coming off 12 days with my mother and need a nap thank you very much so deal with it? Did I reason with them and only recline half way so I could still get a nap, albeit not as quality but still at a sleep-allowable angle?

Oh no, not this time. I put my seat alllllll the way back up and had no nap, and began the inner dialog all over again.

So maybe the first run on this resolution didn't fare so well, but I am happy to report I have decided to restart this again...if that's ok with you.

1 comment:

Caitlin said...

1. Thanks for sending me this link, too, I hope I can post on it. It's great reading.

2. I understand exactly what you mean about thinking one thing, but acting too nice. I was much less apt to do that before I went to college in the Midwest. A lot of people out there are nice and accomodating, but I've found a lot of people, too, are nice while they take advantage of you. The worst are those that aren't nice and take advantage. In short, yours is not an uncommon phenomenon. It takes time to train yourself out of that niceness (I'm working on it myself - getting myself back into East Coast-shape!). After the first time you speak up, it gets a lot easier. What would really help you would be driving around DC. You have to cut people off, speed around people and not use your blinker so much that your driving attitude becomes attached to your thinking. Seriously. It helps.