Friday, January 18, 2008

It might be that time again...

I'm thinking about re-creating this, with my new favorite toy.

Anyone interested in a cake party?

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Like totally super fun

Do you ever hear yourself and realize you sound like a total idiot? Lately, I have been catching myself saying the most ridiculous, horrendous, and embarrassing things:

Super fun
Totally Awesome
Like totally, right?


I blame this on all the "Legally Blonde" commercials on TV lately. I can't help it, that movie cracks me up. I wouldn't take it with me on a deserted island or anything, but, like, OH my GOSH it cracks me up. And now, every time I open my mouth, I sound like Valley High Barbie.

Please, help me stop.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Today's Puzzle: Cause and Effect

I've been pondering the concept of Karma today. I was asked last night if I'm concerned about Karma biting my behind someday when I have my own kids. Will all my old habits and jokes come back to haunt me?

My sister is finding this true for her now. Other than her son telling her oh so sweetly to "go blow it out your ass" and asking "does mom have stupid written on her forehead?" he's a good kid. But sometimes, when pushed too far, he reverts back to his DNA, channels all the things his mother said at his age and comes up with zingers like this from last week: "yeah, well you never should have been a mother." Ouch.

I was a good sister. I wasn't too mouthy, I helped out with my chores and changed nasty dirty cloth diapers when Klue was a baby. I might have been a stubborn child but I had a heart of gold and at times a little too much time on my hands. There were a few episodes of pure genius, I mean small jokes (ok pranks) that maybe weren't always in the best taste but were always Hilarious. Who wouldn't want to:

1. Teach a 2 year old to say, in a pathetic and wimpy voice, "Help me! Help me!" when wanting attention.

2. Swap out the apple juice for lemon juice to see if I can make Klue's face stick permanently in a 'bitter beer' type look.

3. Trick the older sister to attend a tea party with the younger sister where the 'tea' being served is actually water a la toilet.

4. Train my darling blond younger sister to on command say "Thanks for the Refill!" whenever I blew in her ear.

Is that really all that horrible? Will my children be (brilliant, genius, and ridiculously good looking) deviants constantly putting whoopee cushions on my chair and Vaselining my door knobs?

I suppose I should expect nothing less, especially after teaching my nephew this song:

"Grandma, you don't have to turn on the red light.
Those days are over
You don't have to sell your body to the night
Grandma, you don't have to wear that dress tonight..."

Oh Karma, I think I'm screwed.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Yo Quiero Guapos

There are many aspects of my job that I enjoy: free coffee, blackberry, all the office supplies I can cram on my desk. But the best of all is the free lunch. And of all the lunches we are served, I have 2 favorites far and above all the others: Rocklands and Guapos.

Today is Guapos Day.

I am trying so hard to make it until noon, but it might not happen. To increase my happiness and share my joy with you, I have composed an Ode to Guapos.

Ooooh Guapos.
All those steak fajitas,
The giant bowls of fresh guacamole
Gallons of fresh salsa
Huevos Rancheros and Red Beans on Rice
Mounds and mounds of chicken quesodillas
Plentiful Plantains fresh from the grease
You call to me
From the Kitchen
"Don't wait a moment longer-
Your lunch is here."
Ooooh Guapos.


Sunday, January 6, 2008

Resolving Resolutions

Resolutions aren't my thing. I tend toward the typical goals of' "I will lose weight and eat better" and follow through for exactly 3.4 days until, hungry and cranky, I binge on whatever cheese-covered deep fried delight I can find within a 10 mile radius of my diet melt down.

Last year, I restarted my new year 2 weeks into the year. I had officially started 2007 living in the land of Coupledom, mayor of Arguing City and on the town council of Massively Unhappy. 2 weeks into the new year, I packed up and moved into the far far away land of OnMyOwnAgainberg and became queen bee of Single City. I immediately made all sorts of resolutions: I will learn to ballroom dance! I will join more groups! I will say yes more! I will meet new people! I will be HAPPY!

Not to toot my own horn too much, but I did pretty damn well on the list. I DID learn to ballroom dance and had a great time with friends in the process. I DID join more groups and have met tons of great people through the book club I joined. I DID say yes more and have found myself being more open to situations and enjoying life. I DID meet new people and have worked on expanding my social circle. I AM HAPPY!

The end of 2007 made me wonder what my next goals should be. A friend of my sister's loaned me the first 3 seasons of "The Office" while I was Up North and I became a little obsessed. It's a little uncanny how much my work environment mirrors the show and how much I tend to be Pam. While watching some episodes in the Detroit airport between flights, Pam made a resolution to stop being so nice. She, like me, tends to say yes to everything, overly accommodating to the point of being unhappy about giving in so much. At the end of the episode, I contemplated Pam's struggle to go against her desire to always please people and instead just say how she feels and what she wants, even if it means someone else will have to compromise. As I stood inline to board my next plane, I decided to take Pam's goal as my own - I would stop being so nice; I would start speaking up and say what I want.

As I boarded the plane, overflowing with a new confidence of my amazing new goal for myself, I felt invigorated as I hadn't felt in a long time. I approached my row, double checked my ticket, and noticed someone was in my seat. The middle seat was open, but I didn't want the middle seat, I wanted the window seat I had picked out hours ago when I checked in. Now what do I do??? The guy in my seat was comfy and reading a book, and here I was, standing in the aisle, knowing I needed to buck up and ask him to move, but my boastful confidence from 5 mintues ago is no where to be found. The SeatStealer looks up at me, and asks if he was in my seat. My head screams "YES! MOVE IT OR LOSE IT BUDDY" but my mouth says...

"...oh, well yeah but I don't mind sitting in the middle."

What just happened????? I can't even tell you why I buckled so quickly and so completely, but I sat down, stewed about being such a complete and total idiot and failing at my resolution within 5 minutes of deciding on it. So I decided to start again. Midway through my flight, I was very tired and decided to take a little nap. I plugged my iPod in (which is not dead by the way!!!), reclined my seat, and closed my eyes. I was on the verge of a very nice nap when my seat started shaking and someone started very forcefully tapping my shoulder. I took an earbud out and was met with a very unhappy guy sitting in the window seat in the row behind, and was promptly asked to put my seat up because the guy behind me didn't like it reclined. So what did I do? Did I tell them tough, I'm tired and coming off 12 days with my mother and need a nap thank you very much so deal with it? Did I reason with them and only recline half way so I could still get a nap, albeit not as quality but still at a sleep-allowable angle?

Oh no, not this time. I put my seat alllllll the way back up and had no nap, and began the inner dialog all over again.

So maybe the first run on this resolution didn't fare so well, but I am happy to report I have decided to restart this again...if that's ok with you.