Thursday, April 3, 2008

Adventures in Timestamping

9:00ish: Arrives at work
9:30: Starts to send out links to blog
9:45: Re-reads the blog, reliving the previous night's trip
10:00: Finished coffee, thinking about getting some work done
10:01: Abandons idea of getting work done, reads other blogs instead
10:20: Convinced today will be perfect and amazing
10:28: Phone rings. Brooklyn area code
10:29: Man on phone, Byron, recounts his previous convo with me re: why I am a bad person
10:30: Pulse hits about 200 bpm
10:31: Byron starts yelling at me, but not AT me, as he is so kind, but yells at the situation (which IS me)
10:32: Finger starts waving about in the air. oh he did not just say that. and that. and what the...
10:34: Yelling into the phone, I demand respect! And kind words! And ... RESPECT damn it!
10:36: Am told I am no good at my job, never will be, should quit my job pronto and inquire for a local fry chef position at the Golden Arches
10:38: SCREAMING into the phone "There is no reason to disrespect me! You have no right to speak to me this way!"
10:40: Still be screamed at, am told I have cost my boss Bill millions of dollars, ruined my company, and am a total idiot.
10:43: Byron hangs up on me, having accomplished whatever it was he was hoping to accomplish.
10:43:01: I slam receiver down, nearly breaking a nail and possibly the phone.
10:43:02: Bosses Geeves and Soph run out of offices, wanting to know what is up, why was I yelling
10:44:10: Start to feel tears/emotion/total breakdown about to start
10:44:30: Run to kitchen for 'water'
10:46: Return from kitchen to recount to bosses in short sentences with pulse racing at over 300 bpm "I. HATE. THAT. MAN. I. HATE. MY. JOB. HATE. MAN. CAN'T. BREATHE. DON'T. WANT. TO . TALKABOUTITRIGHTNOWBUTDOSOMETHINGASAPBEFOREICOMPLETELYLOSEMYMIND.
10:47: Runs to bathroom, hides in stall, cries.
10:57: still crying.
11:05: Emerges from bathroom, red, splotchy, makeup/hair/composure ruined, completely embarrassed. Bosses are waiting for me.
11:15: Boss Bill calls, wants to know what the h-e-double hockey sticks is wrong with me - why can't I handle myself - why do I let people talk to me this way - why do I let my emotions get the better of me
11:15:10 I'm wondering why I let people talk to me this way
11:15:20: Still wondering why I let people talk to me this way
11:15:21: thinking my parents' basement is looking better and better every day
11:15:22: wants pringles. and skinny cow strawberry ice cream sandwiches. and pickles. and guacamole. and root beer. without the root. and extra beer.
11:20: done listening to boss Bill tell stories about when people have been more mean to him and how he handled it with great aplomb that I clearly lack and by the way what is wrong with you anyway?
11:58: Finds ability to breath fire. Or at least scare people away.
12:10: Boss Raymond cracks joke
12:10:02 Not laughing at joke. Nothing is funny. Not even you.
12:10:30 Boss Raymond wonders aloud what I'm so upset about
12:10:31 Gives Raymond the "what are you an IDIOT?" death stare. Bolts for the door, needs to walk off some aggression and search for at least 2 items of the above comfort list
12:12: starts death march in dress shoes around Chevy Chase
12:25: one mile into walk, sees young thug-dressed boy approaching
12:25:30: thug calls me baby
12:25:31: thug puts hand on my shoulder
12:25:32: thug tries to put his hand down my shirt
12:25:33: hand is swatted away
12:27: Just realized what he was trying to do
12:27:30: contemplates turning around to find said thug and kick him in the balls
12:28: decides not to chase worthless human being and head for guacamole instead
12:45: one mile later, guacamole and root beer is found (thank heavens for Chipotle)
1:10: arrives back at office, audience has assembled for Meltdown2008.
1:12: burrito is devoured in record time. behold the power of avocado.
1:30: first meeting with bosses Geeves and Raymond post HR session, nothing is changing
1:30:30 not surprised
1:31 and not gonna take it
3:30 second meeting with bosses Geeves and Raymond post second HR session and general stomping around
3:31 something might change but it will take time
3:31:30 not falling for that for a second
4:00 deal is brokered which involves nothing changing but boy oh boy wasn't this a fun day
5:50 email from friend "want a drink"
5:50:10 response "or 6"
6:20: grey goose cosmo in hand, things are looking up
7:00: second grey goose cosmo in hand, things are not only looking up but moving on their own, even though they are stationary objects
7:10: starting to wonder if I'm abusing alcohol
7:11: realized the only options for coping was either a drink or violence, and since violence is never the answer, drinking must be ok
7:20: dinner arrives - mussels frittes.
7:30: mussels are inhaled, lots of broth left over. bread is needed
7:50: have successfully eaten my weight in bread, even though the diet was re-starting *today*
8:00: contemplates a third drink, but probably not the best idea.
9:45: at home, in bed, heart beat down, day is over.

1 comment:

Klue said...

Can I buy you a beer or something?

Oh wait, I can't.